My Synthetic Thoughts explores the complex intersection of mental health, medication, and one’s subconscious, and memories. The protagonist seeks support to understand and take action related to persistent disorientating transportations and their resulting experiences. However, with little sense of agency, the protagonist’s search for meaning, motive, and resolution becomes increasingly desperate. Their subconscious—cluttered with fragments of unresolved time—inhibits their ability to focus, think lucidly, and find the inner peace they long for.

My Synthetic Thoughts

Protagonist: So every night for the last, I don't know, maybe two months, almost without exception, I leave London and go somewhere not of my own choosing. I mean, sometimes I am in London as well, but it's somewhere I don't know or don't know why I'm there. 
I suppose over time I've become kinda numb to it — like OK, it’s night, there’s gonna be this wild adventure, that could also be disturbing. Because sometimes these places are dark and strange. And I don’t feel 100% comfortable telling you about it, but I feel — I need some help.
So yeah, I remember last night I was somewhere in New York. And that’s the other thing— I don’t understand how I manage to travel such distances in such short time. It’s not like a plane that takes me there — I just seem to kinda appear there. But then I’m always returned to where I was within say 12 hours.
Yeah so l last night I was in New York, as I say, and it was dark — and my mum was there. And you think darkness, but it was a really warm presence in that darkness. And she said.
Susan: I’m afraid to message you at the moment, but please get back as soon as possible
Protagonist: And I didn’t really understand what she meant because there wasn’t really any context for that. And then she said “I love you”, and it felt, tender. 
And I don’t understand how that can happen because she’s been dead for a long time. But it just felt so real.
And I don’t know if it’s like possible now with technology for someone to recreate that or, maybe without sleep my mind can get so delirious that maybe it creates some type of representation of her that’s tangible and real.
It was scary, and also tender I guess. And when I kinda realised I was back in my room I was really confused, cos, I wasn’t sure what was real anymore. What was that? How could it feel so real, if it’s not?
Who or what would want me to experience this?
Mona: But when, when the first letter is… — you have to pronounce the last, um, the last letter of the verb, so c’est égal —you have to pronounce it. Yeah. Complicated. 
Protagonist: Oui. 
Joey: Complicated? 
Protagonist: Ouai, ouai
Joey: Complication
Protagonist: Sometimes I'm in familiar places like my home, and then, you know, I just take the post, put it in the slot, walk out of my front door, and I'm somewhere completely different and the world is transformed…
…all of a sudden, I'm in a supermarket, buying groceries, and it really makes no sense why someone wanna stop me from sleeping and take me to a supermarket. But while I'm there, I still try and do practical things.
For example, the other night I bought some cereal. And somehow the sound of a baby crying can morph into something musical and wonderful.
And then I can be checking out in a supermarket, but what I'm buying isn't cereal anymore. It's, it's now makeup and I don't wear makeup. Who am I buying this for? And, and why?
Field recording: When he finally settled in Paris in 1904, Picasso moved into a squalled warren of studios called The Bateau Lavoir, known to poets as the Acropolis of Cubism.
Protagonist: So, yeah, you probably have a good sense of how strange these kind of happenings are. And I started recording my memories of them I’d kind of come to, generally in the morning with the intention of playing to you to try and give a sense of what was going on and the strangest details I haven't even got to…
So I thought I'd play this for you and maybe we could figure out what was going on, who was taking me, and also if the authorities needed to get involved, then perhaps this would be good evidence for them. So, I mean, here's a couple of examples. I've basically been recording them on my phone, so hang on, let me pull them up for you.
Recollections: Riots, break out in school. Fights that just escalate to the point where everyone's scared and everything's getting smashed up and the police are brought in but they can't control it. Umm, fear and Turkey. 
Protagonist: I mean, where'd you start with that - fear and Turkey. All right, here's another.
Recollections: Okay. It was very confusing.
Um, what can I remember? I'll just reel off the end. I guess. I was with these like hippie punks and we were traveling. Oh, yeah. Before that I was trying to get round like a... I was in the water and I needed to get round like a bit of land or something, or just, oh no, something was in the way and I was like, how do I, or maybe I was in the pavement…
Brandi: …walked out to my kitchen and made some biscuits for a colleagues birthday.
And packed them up. And just getting from to the lunch.. I had some tacos from that place over on Pacific. They’re OK but not great, but, you know — what can you do in downtown San Francisco….
Ghostface Killah: ...internet nerds, and everybody. Yo, enjoy yourself laid back. Listen, stay focused, travel in harmony, and recognise one thing... 
Stetasonic: Lies, that's when you hide the truth. It's when you talk more jazz than proof, and when you lie and address something you don't know, it's so wack that is bound to show….
Wheel character: God, where are we of to today?
God: San Francisco, routine call!
Wheel character: Check it out!
Bus stopper 1: Excuse me, do you speak English?
Protagonist: I do
Bus stopper 1: What’s your name?
Protagonist: Sam
Bus stopper 1: Where you from?
Protagonist: London
Bus stopper 2: You’re from London?
Bus stopper 1: You ever go back to London?
Protagonist: Yeah
Bus stopper 1: What, like every day?
Protagonist: Nah, not every day — hopefully once or twice a year
Bus stopper 1: Today’s the 27th, right?
Bus stopper 3: I don’t know
Bus stopper 2: Nah, it’s the 25th
Bus stopper 1: You know who died on the 25th of every month? I’ma tell you all the people that died on the 25th of every month
I don’t wanna die — you guys wanna die?
Like are you good with the Lord? Is everybody here good with the Lord? Who’s good with the Lord? Say you’re good with the Lord.
Bus stopper 2: You don’t know what’s gonna happen — so I really don’t care
Bus stopper 3: Yeah, don’t make assumptions
Bus stopper 1: You guys wanna bible? Or a Koran?
Bus stopper 2: No, I’m alright
Bus stopper 3: Why don’t you… I’ll let you figure it out, alright?
Voicemail: First saved message. 
Zack: Hey bitch, where are you? I'm antsy as fuck because Saskia's coming tomorrow and I don't know what the fuck to do with myself. So, but we should go play some pool. Where are you at? Answer the phone. Blah, blah blah. Goodbye. 
Voicemail: Nine. Save. Next message. 
Drew: Young Samuel, just seeing if you are gonna get into anything tonight. If not, we should hang out on Saturday. Ite, peace.
[Voicemail: Next message 
Zack: Sam, where are you? We're about to leave and go to a bar and you're coming with us.I don't know where you are, but, uh, but you're going. You are D I R T. DIRT. 
Voicemail: Next message. 
Drew: What's up young Sammy? It's just on the off chance for you were...
Avon commercial: During these hectic days of… 
Protagonist: I had a dream that you were getting married and forgot to invite me.
Avon commercial: Avon would just like to bring you a pleasant reminder 
Mona: When the first letter is… you have to pronounce the last, um, the last letter of the verb, so c’est égal — you have to pronounce it. Yeah. Complicated. 
Vincent Price: Mmm, yes, boring. Let us switch to, um, to some poetry.. 
Man on 38 bus: I'm bigger than just a white man, I care about my fucking… 
Protagonist: Stop shouting in my ear 
Man on 38 bus: …family. I care about my family
Annelies: Nice! You wanna go? 
Protagonist: No, I've been in
Annelies: Everything alright? . 
Protagonist: Yeah. Yeah. I was just waiting for you. 
Annelies: Oh, okay. 
[00:09:16] Brandi: Sam, are you still there? Are you still there?
Protagonist: Yeah, I'm here. Sorry. You know what? Why don't I just play you a few more of these recordings I've made of my recollections and to see if we can piece 'em together. Like I'll just, I'll just play a few at once. Here you go. 
Protagonist: I was with my family and kind of staying in a motel, or a house. 
We got to the woods and stuff and, um, it wasn't clear like maybe we're just renting, the people..
And I had this weird, odd shaped room. Um, and threw a book up in the air that span.
I watched something on TV, and it was a small TV. And I'm sure I was jealous of, can anyone get me to like roll, roll a joint? 
And I was like, okay, I can do that for you. And it was all connected up via like crocodile clips — and suddenly, uh, I got absolutely rushed by the selections.
And I think, I was like, “OK”
So, I started to watch TV — in an airport, with these…
It wasn't clear, like maybe we were just renting, the woods and it wasn't really a festival…
…and I put my hand and it was like, a heard of mushrooms. Like, I don't know what kind
They were kind of sitting next to me — religious organisation — but quite lucid about it. Ideas…
Radio: Wrap your troubles in…

Long Live the New Sound

My Synthetic Thoughts